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01.15.25 | 50 SHADES OF WHITE



There are approximately 172 shades of white on the Benjmain Moore website. I say approximately because many of these shades are more cream, or yellow, or green, or grey than what I would consider undoubtably white or in the white “family”, which brings the total closer to about 50. A few weeks ago , I found an old photo of my studio in which I realized the brick wall around my window had slowly devolved from white into a somewhat sad, dingy and peeling state so I decided to re-paint it. I like to make everything complicated, so I ordered sample pots from Portola and ultimately settled on Appointment Only, which is a soft, rich white that feels like living in milk. I think it’s the only white for walls moving forward.

I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit I’ve lived in the same apartment for seven years. I’m not sure why this feels like something to hide or be ashamed of. I’ve wanted to leave for so long, but every time I go to someone else’s or browse StreetEasy, I’m reminded of why I haven’t. I go through phases with my apartment; it’s the relationship you’ve outgrown but can’t get yourself to leave. There’s something that feels shameful about still being here, as if my living space represents a chapter I can’t seem to close while I watch those around me move on to new living rooms, towns, partners and life changes I’ve yet to experience. (If it’s not already obvious, I’m in my Saturn return.)


An unmade bed and a still-wet wall, painted with Portola Paint’s ‘Appointment Only’. 


I wrote the above in early December, before the holidays faded and winter became boring and Los Angeles burst into flames. It feels vapid now, very first world to complain about a home that for the majority of my twenties has provided a safe space and consistency during a notoriously turbulent life period. Thanks to this apartment, I’ve gone to Portugal on a one-way, taken jobs and quit them, tried on new cities, and had space to build an art practice. I take for granted the sun that pools across my sheets each morning through the south-east facing window. Already, this new year has been a reminder of how lucky I am and how fragile even the most stable pillars of our lives actually are. 

It’s not lost on me that interior decor is a frivolous non-necessity. No one “needs” an Italian tea table or Magniberg bedding, but in a twisted way I feel like what’s happened in LA has proved interiors to be more important than we give credit. It’s a difficult form of irony to have spent this weekend covering my wall with white paint from California. I desperately, maybe foolishly, want to believe we’re heading somewhere better than where we’ve been. 


 

So many people have lost everything and need help. Through the end of this month, 50% of consultations will be donated directly to California Community Foundation’s Wildlife Recovery Fund. 


Resources // Ways to help Los Angeles

Adam Alessi has organzied an art supply donation drive to support those who have lost their homes and studios in the fires. Altadena Girls has organized a charity drive and organization to provide clothing and personal items to teenage victims of the Eaton Canyon Fire. GoFundMe has compiled a list of verified fundraisers for victims of the Palisades and Eaton fires. Baby2baby is accepting donations towards providing  vulnerable children and families  affected by the fires with critical supplies including diapers, blankets, formula , and clothing. LA Fire Mutual Aid Resource Hub has a comprehensive list of resources and ways to help.  

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